The JOYful Method © helps women gain clarity on the missing link that is holding them back from realising their dream relationship with their personal Mr Right. The JOYful Method © gives women the tools, support, guidance and direction they need to bridge the gap to get to their Happily Forever After and maintain a healthy and JOYful marriage.
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Over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing with you the conversations that I had in a Q & A session with my clients as they share their story of how they met and married their personal Mr Right.
This is Marie’s Story
Q: Marie, please could you tell us a little about yourself and your relationship history before you started coaching with Nadia?
A: Hi, I am Marie. I am 47 years old. I am a food scientist. I live in Belgium. I have 2 sons, 29 and 25 living in Belgium. I have 3 grandchildren and I start coaching with Nadia to move to Belgium to be near to my sons and grandchildren. I was living in France before. My first husband died in 2017. I did not have any romantic relationships until 2019 then I met my second husband. When my first husband died it was too painful to live in the empty house so I just lock everything and move to a small studio. My coaching with Nadia was not about dating in the beginning but for help grieving and to start a new life in Belgium, find a job and be with my family.
Q: What were you doing, dating wise, before you started coaching with Nadia?
A: I was not dating seriously at all. Wine here, coffee there or a dinner sometimes nothing serious. I did not have any intention to get married again. I was preparing myself to move to Belgium I did not want to find a man who is in France.
Q: How was your experience dating online?
A: I don’t do online dating and especially not dating applications. Nadia understood me, she made a plan for me to follow to date in functions, meet ups, real life personal interactions.
Q: How did you meet your now husband?
A: I was a keynote speaker in a conference. After my presentation I was taking questions from the room and my husband was putting his hand up asking questions. At the break he comes to ask some more questions and I was thinking ‘wow this man is so interested in my research but he is taking too much time. I need to network so I can get more funding for my research.’ He asks me for my email address and if he can email me if he has more questions. I give him my email address and I forget about him. After some days I receive an email and then he is asking for my phone number, I give it to him, the office number of course! He calls and asks me if I will have lunch he is in Belgium the next week. I was thinking maybe I can ask some funding thinking it is a business lunch, I say yes and we have lunch. Nadia says to me, dress like a date, I feel strange to do it but I do it. We have lunch, we talk nothing about my research, we talk about wine, music, dancing and his house. He is looking forward to live in his house, there are renovations and repairs, it is taking time but he is happy to live with his daughter for now. I don’t remember everything because in my head I am counting before I speak and try to be mysterious and feel like I am a cartoon with a painted smile.
Q: What happened next?
A: Next, we have dinner the next week and we start to see each other every Saturday. It is very easy spending time with him, I enjoy it. After 2 months it is New Years Eve, his house is ready he has a party, I meet his family and his friends. He introduces saying this is my girlfriend and to his daughter he says this is her, she made my heart whole again, the daughter hugs me, he goes to talk to someone and leaves me with the daughter, she is wonderful but she is talking about my wedding, how big do I want it, questions about flower girl dresses and shopping together, maybe we go to Paris? I was nervous, confused, I start to sweat and feel dizzy. I start to panic and message Nadia. I am not ready for this I start to feel emotional, guilt, anger, betraying my dead husband, what if my children do not like him. I say I have a headache and I go home.
Q: What happened after that?
A: It is New Year’s Day, I am sending Nadia voice notes in Whatsapp. I listen to my sent voice notes, I sound like I am crazy, I know, but what must I do? He is coming to pick me up for dinner. Nadia is having brunch with her fiancé then she is in the bathroom sending me messages. I was feeling very guilty but also desperate for answers, I need answers, I don’t care she is in the bathroom I ask for a quick session I don’t care if other women are listening. I need to speak to Nadia, after 10 minutes I know what to do, what to say and why. I go for dinner, he proposed, I said no and explained what Nadia said.
Q: How did that work out?
A: He was upset but he said he will wait and kiss my hand. I end the date, he wants to drive me home I say I prefer to take the taxi. He requests Uber, I go home. The next day I spend 2 hours with Nadia in intense coaching. While I am talking to Nadia he sends me a message to ask what his daughter said to me and if she upset me. Nadia says be honest and helps me to write the answer. In the evening his daughter phones me to say she is sorry to spoil the surprise because she was thinking he already asked me. I replied exactly how Nadia explained to me.
Q: What happened during that session, I remember it was a real breakthrough could you share some of it with us?
A: Yes, this session was the Y in the road for me. To see myself making this choice, I go left or I go right but how do I know which is good for me? I don’t know. In the end of the session I have total clarity, I understand the root of my guilt, why I was feeling bad and how I must give myself permission if I want to be happy. I make a decision but how do I say yes to him, I am ready now.
Q: Did you tell him?
A: No never! I just imagine Nadia’s voice and face if I tell him. Then I imagine Nadia talking to Sherrie!
Q: So what did you do?
A: Nothing! We continue to go on dates he is wonderful, never misses a week but he does not ask again. We go for lunch, he is saying to me about the lockdown, he is telling me how he will miss me, keep in touch, what we will do, he has thought about everything, my groceries, medicines, masks, sanitizer, toilet paper, date nights, everything.
Q: How did Lockdown affect your relationship?
A: Our relationship became closer, he will cook and bring my food, wine, gifts, flowers and put it outside my door and we have a date and talk through video. Every day he calls me, I was continuing my sessions with Nadia, I want this to work and I want to work on myself as much as possible. After lockdown he proposes with the ring and key for his house. I said yes but return the key. We got married before the second lockdown, a very private ceremony. When he put my ring on my finger he gives me also the house key. This time of course I take the key.
Q: What was your overall experience coaching and mentoring with Nadia?
A: I like her. Nadia is honest but kind and to have these two together is important for me, it is important when you have difficult times and you want honesty but everyone thinks to be nice is to hide your faults from you. Nadia speaks truthfully even when it is painful but I prefer it more than fake people trying to make me feel better and lie in my face. I cannot heal or grow with lies I need the truth. My grief was the starting of my coaching relationship with Nadia. Now we speak 3 times a week with mentoring and she helps me not only with relationship advice but every challenge.
Q: What were the ways you worked with Nadia and how different were your experiences?
A: Private coaching, 2 workshops and mentoring now. I enjoy all of them, they are different, serve a different function and purpose at different stage of my development. Now I am in a mentoring relationship with Nadia and I will continue. The groups experience is good because I meet other women in my age group and we are all in different stages of our relationship so we support each other.
Q: I know there are people who are going to read this and wonder WHY you’re still working with Nadia if you already got your Mr Right – What would you say to them?
A: In life there are cycles, grief, loss, pain, anger, hurt, trust. These things they are important to work through them. You do not want to continue sweeping things under the carpet until one day you try to walk over the carpet but the things underneath, they have become a mountain, you trip and fall. You want to be happy, you want to love and feel alive. My life is more than my husband, I have a career, I am writing a book, I am a mother of children, I have grandchildren, step children, step grandchildren. I have challenges that Rules don’t help me with because they don’t cover it. Nadia knows me sometimes better than I know myself, I trust her, I see how she is always working for my best outcomes so there is no sense to stop because in life you must keep growing and the mentorship is affordable and personal so why not?
Q: Was there a specific challenge that you feel you had to overcome before you met your now husband?
A: Specifically the challenge to accept I have more than one opportunity of great love. To change to abundance mindset. To give permission to myself to experience joy and life. To give permission to myself to love and be loved. To learn who I am again not only a widow, mother, grandmother but a woman with needs,wants,desires of my own. To give myself permission and accepting who I am, this was my challenge.
Q: Do you have any words of wisdom to share with our readers who may also be single and looking for lasting love?
A: If you are near 50 like me or 40 or 20 and you want to have love that is real, true commitment and marriage don’t spend time doing experiments with your heart, body or mind. Learn what you want, what you need, what to look for in a man, what you like, what you don’t like but it’s good for your growth. Finding a husband is serious as you treat your job and work hard to be the match to the man you want. In your job there is upskilling and courses to be better,to get a promotion. If you are single and you need a promotion maybe to girlfriend or wife then you have to do the upskill too it is obvious is it not? The Rules are good foundation but they are not everything. Nadia I think if you write a book of the rules behind the rules it will be good.
Nadia: Haha, now that’s an idea! Thanks so much for your time and sharing your story with us Marie! Those are really great nuggets of advice for our readers I’m sure they’ll enjoy it!
Marie: You are welcome Nadia.