The JOYful Method © helps women gain clarity on the missing link that is holding them back from realising their dream relationship with their personal Mr Right. The JOYful Method © gives women the tools, support, guidance and direction they need to bridge the gap to get to their Happily Forever After and maintain a healthy and JOYful marriage.
Over the next couple of weeks I will be sharing with you the conversations that I had in a Q & A session with my clients as they share their story of how they met and married their personal Mr Right.
This is Sara’s Story
Q: Sara could you tell us a little about yourself and your relationship history before you started coaching with Nadia?
A: I’m Sara, 36 and live in London. I’m a physiotherapist and setting up my own practice in Surrey. This is my first marriage, no children but my husband has a daughter from his previous marriage, she’s 12 and still challenges my light and breezy everyday but at least she doesn’t hate me anymore. My last relationship ended after 4 years living together without a ring or commitment. I ended the relationship after having a talk about commitment and he walked out.
Q: What were you doing, dating wise before you started coaching with Nadia?
A: My friends suggested I date like crazy to get my ex out of my system. I signed up for an app which let women make the first move because I was NOT going to sit around and be the target of another commitment phobe. I wrote a very detailed profile saying what I wanted and what I didn’t want in my next relationship and signed up for gold membership on a different app because it was easy to swipe right on the guys I liked. Before replying to a guy I would send him a message and tell him to read my profile first then message back. Now when I think back I cringe.
Q: How was your experience dating online?
A: In the beginning I felt empowered, sexy and I loved it. I bought sexy tops and dresses, changed my hair and got laser surgery for my eyes. The male attention was feeding my self-esteem I felt great.
Q: What Changed?
A: I wanted more than just flirts, dinners, drinks, drunken snogs and walks of shame after decisions made with too much gin. I wanted someone I could laugh and cry and go travelling with. A man who would love me and respect me enough to marry me so we can have a beautiful family before my ovaries shut down.
Q: What happened next?
A: I took a break from dating.I went online and started looking for books that could help me find a husband. I downloaded a few e books and audiobooks and started reading and listening. The first 3 books had some useful tips but nothing about how to actually find a marrying man. My 4th book was called All The Rules – Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right. At the same time I was listening to Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I wanted to see if these rules worked so I started to look online for proof.
Q: Then What?
A: I watched some videos, found some groups online and started looking for evidence. What I found made me start to research the authors more and I found myself on The Rules Book website. I looked at the prices for coaching sessions and it was out of my budget I was still paying off my flat and my credit card bills I didn’t have the money so I thought I’d joined an online community and try these rules myself to see if they worked.
Q: And did they work?
A: It was hit and miss I was doing The Rules for 2 and a half years I was almost 34. I met some nice guys nothing further than a first date and once I got to the 2 month stage with a guy suddenly he just started acting weird and cancelling at the last minute or saying he’d call and he would forget. I was anxious, frustrated and angry because I was doing The Rules but something was wrong, it must be me.
Q: What happened next?
A: He ghosted me on my birthday I went home cried all the way and drowned my pain in a bottle of red wine kettle crisps and chocolate. The next day was a Sunday and I didn’t want to get out of bed but I had a birthday brunch planned with friends so I forced myself. Talking to my girlfriends and telling them what happened was the best therapy and the bottomless Prosecco helped the pain and the rejection. He didn’t even text to apologise or explain he just vanished, when my bestie tried calling his number it went straight to voicemail. I didn’t want to think of him anymore I just wanted to forget and I made a promise to myself that by my 35th birthday I was either going to be with my future husband or if I was still single I was going to have a baby on my own. My flat was paid off, my ex contributed to his share of the credit card bills so that was paid off. I was going to get a coach and for the next year I was going to level up to the best version of myself and spend my birthday with my future husband or at a fertility clinic. I messaged a few of the Rules Coaches and asked for an urgent appointment on Monday morning, I was not going to waste any more time. I got 3 replies on Monday but only one coach had an opening on Monday morning and that was Nadia. I booked the session and I spilled my guts out to her. Nadia listened and really took the time to understand me and what I wanted from my relationship. When she emailed me after our call with an analysis of my challenges and the areas I needed to work on and specifically what I needed to work on myself I was convinced she knew what she was talking about and I signed up with her.
Q: What programs/sessions did you do?
A: First 3 sessions and then went and worked on myself for a month and completed the tasks Nadia set for me and started keeping a journal. Then 7 sessions, fell head over heels, ignored Nadia’s advice and went to Mexico for a week. I came back heartbroken and embarrassed I had to find my own way back home, he left without me. I was too embarrassed to get in touch with Nadia but she’s so sweet always checking in. When she texted to check in I told her what happened and she said it’s ok we live and learn. Then she asked me what I learned from the experience and I told her I could do The Rules for dates but when I am spending days with someone I go back to my old self. Nadia asked me to put The Rules aside and really look inwards and tell her what I’d learned about myself. I said I don’t want to get hurt anymore and I want a husband not a time waster. Then something totally cringey happened and Nadia asked me how I see myself and I didn’t know how to answer that because I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I enrolled for the 12 week JOYful method and now I’m doing mentoring with Nadia.
Q: What was your experience with coaching?
A: It was very helpful and helped me to address and work on a lot of things like the struggles of trust and fear. People pleasing and always seeking the approval of others. My anger and unhealthy expectations causing severe strain on my relationships and how my self-sabotaging behaviour comes from not feeling worthy. With mentoring I feel beautifully supported I have the opportunity to really level up and Nadia helps me see what is possible in my life and what I can achieve.
Q: What are the transformations you have experienced and seen during and since the JOYful method?
A: Many little things .The big realisations and transformations, I have more confidence in myself as an individual, a professional and also as a wife. I learned what love really looks like on a day to day practical level when a man loves you. I learnt that you cannot attract the partner you want until you become the partner you want. I learnt about my childhood trauma and how it had influenced every decision I made in relationships, my dating style, attachment style and the patterns that led me to date the men I was dating. I learnt how to use the law of attraction and vibration. I didn’t know what I needed I only knew what I wanted but Nadia knew what I needed and she gave me a map to get to my Mr Right because she saw what was missing and she made me a map and guided me and still guides me through the challenges I face. I know if I was doing it by myself I know I would still be looking for the answers or give up and just go to the fertility clinic!
What did you NOT enjoy about coaching?
A: I did not enjoy that Nadia moved away from London I loved coaching with her in person. I can’t say there was anything I didn’t enjoy, I know in the moment there were many occasions where I resisted change and then suffered because of it or I didn’t listen and suffered because of it so that was not enjoyable as an experience but I learnt to take responsibility for my actions and become more self-aware. There were times where it was really painful having to face reality and facts especially about my childhood and learning that I was responsible for a lot of the dating disasters in my life it made me sad and angry at myself but it was part of the transformation process I know that now and I value the lessons I learnt it was very healing.
Q: Was there a particular challenge that you feel was crucial and played a part in the change in you that led to you meeting your husband?
A: Yes, absolutely. When I finally made peace with my past, my failed relationships, my expectations and my trauma. I started to be more grounded and worked on living by my values based on what is true and real everything changed. The type of men I dated, the date experiences I had, the way I was being treated and respected even at work things were better. Then I met my husband.
Q: Oooh tell us more Sara, how did you meet your husband?
A: I met my husband on an app, the swipey one! I almost didn’t reply to his message but the day he messaged me I had a coaching session with Nadia. He messaged ‘Hi! How are you?’ I remember I got annoyed and started ranting how men are such idiots they message hi and expect a reply. Nadia let me rant on for a while then she asked me how a man would get my attention in real life. I said I guess he’d come and say hi and start small talk or a conversation. I remember Nadia saying every conversation starts with Hi. I replied to the Hi text and had a date for later that week.
Q: Ha! I remember that – What was your first date like?
A: It was pleasant, we had coffee and a light lunch. He was very polite, pulled out my chair, held the door open and walked me to the station after. During the date I noticed how calm he was and how he was so understanding and patient when the waiter messed up our orders and our bill.
Q: How long was it from the time you had your first date until you got engaged then married?
A: Engaged after a year and a month and married five months after that.
Q: What was the journey like?
A: Dating my husband was challenging for me because he treated me so well I would constantly doubt myself and him. I had to face my many limiting beliefs and unhealthy paradigms but I think I am blessed and I think my journey is different because I had Nadia with me from the first text to now, this helps me deal with new challenges in my life especially those with my husband and his ex-wife and their daughter. There were moments I stumbled but Nadia was always there to help me understand my feelings, the reasons behind them and guided me to make better choices and the best way to deal with situations like arguments, disagreements and the nosey ex-wife always getting involved.
Q: What words of wisdom can you share from your learning and experience that will help other single women looking to meet and marry their Mr Right?
A: One, if what you’re doing is not working then change it. Two, work on your inner self and outer self. Three, if you’re serious about marriage and you’re not getting anywhere after a year get a coach so you have a map and you know what areas you need to work on. My only regret is not doing this sooner and wasting so much time dating the wrong men.